It is frustrating to be a person who is not able to master a language. Ever since I was young, my parents saw the importance of the English language and made it my mother tongue. Having this privilege gave me a head start in mastering the language.
In a way, it did. As I was enrolled in a Chinese medium school, mandarin was the most widely spoken language among my classmates. Most of my friends was not as fluent in the English language as I was. Thus, I was in the lead on the subject. When I turned 9, I join an English medium school and that is when I got a hard hit on my English language proficiency. At first it was all manageable, then I started realizing that I was no longer on par with the others.
As I was sitting for my O-levels, I realized my English proficiency was not strong enough to push through a first language English paper. But I was advised to take the paper, thus I took the chance. I knew I wanted my scored and I knew I needed to step up my game. I put in the extra effort in reading aloud everyday as well as completing all assignments and pass year papers I was given. Even with such effort, the results were minimal to none.
The day my results was projected online, was one of the most disappointing day as well as an eye opening day for me. It was the first time in years I got a D for English in my whole academic years. I recalled sitting in class texting my parents while trying to calm myself even though I know it was not happening. My parent were delighted with my results and I thought they were nuts! They advised me to consult my English lecture which I did. During my consultations, I told her everything and holding back my tears was a challenge. By the time I was out I was pouring in tears. I felt helpless at that moment.
Months later, I took another English paper to make up for my scores but it ended up as a bigger failure. As I saw my results, I begun reasoning myself and concluded that the test was not my style as it was done digitally. My parents gave me a final opportunity a month ago to retake another English paper. Here I am today waiting for my results to be out. Mentally I am praying for my minimal desired scores. This scores will determine if I will be entering university or not. Let along perusing a further education aboard or not.
This will definitely not be the end of this language journey. With such determination I know I will have to invest more time into improving myself. Even if I do not achieve my desired scores tomorrow, I will remember that its not the end and I will have to put in more effort to further improve myself. This is me doing it for my future and this is where I start. By writing.